Reclaiming Pleasure: Releasing Shame and Embracing Erotic Identity

If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that pleasure is one of life’s greatest gifts—and yet, so many of us feel a weird pang of guilt every time we start to truly embrace it. Ever been there? That moment where you’re actually having fun, feeling fabulous, and suddenly, out of nowhere, this little voice says, “Are you sure you’re allowed to feel this good?” Well, my friend, that’s shame making a cameo, and it’s high time we showed it the exit.

Today, we’re talking about how to reclaim pleasure, shake off shame, and embrace our unique erotic identities. Because the truth is, pleasure isn’t something we have to earn or feel guilty about. It’s something we’re naturally wired to experience—and it’s something that can bring incredible joy, depth, and connection into our lives. So let’s dig in and see how we can give ourselves full permission to enjoy the ride.

The Silent Grip of Shame

First things first—let’s talk about shame, our unwelcome guest. Shame sneaks into our lives in all kinds of ways. Sometimes, it’s the result of cultural conditioning, family beliefs, or past experiences that have left us feeling like our bodies, our desires, or our pleasure somehow don’t quite fit into the “acceptable” box. Many of us have absorbed the message that our erotic identity is something to be hidden, quieted, or even ignored. It’s no wonder that, as adults, we’re sometimes hesitant to fully express our pleasure without that little twinge of “Should I be doing this?”

Shame can be pretty insidious, shaping how we think about ourselves and how we interact with others. It can lead us to doubt ourselves, to fear judgment, and to feel like we need to downplay the parts of ourselves that are too much, too bold, or too different. But here’s the kicker: those exact qualities—our unique erotic identities—are also where some of our greatest strength and beauty lie.

Why Pleasure Matters

Pleasure isn’t just a bonus in life; it’s a necessity. When we embrace pleasure, we’re embracing life itself. Our brains release endorphins, our stress melts away, and we get to feel alive in the best possible way. In fact, feeling good isn’t just a nice perk; it’s crucial to our well-being. When we lean into our pleasure, we’re actually strengthening our resilience, boosting our mental health, and enhancing our connections with others.

And yet, embracing pleasure is often easier said than done, especially if we’ve been taught to feel ashamed or guilty about our desires. Breaking free from shame is about recognizing that pleasure is our birthright, not something we need permission to feel.

Releasing Shame: Practical Tips for Embracing Erotic Identity

So, how do we actually start to release shame and reclaim our pleasure? Let me walk you through some practices that have helped me and many others on this journey. (And hey, a little humor never hurts, so let’s have some fun along the way!)

1. Call Out Shame When It Shows Up

Picture this: you’re having a moment of pure pleasure—maybe you’re dancing, enjoying a delicious meal, or sharing an intimate moment. Out of nowhere, that familiar shame pops up, whispering, “Really? Is this allowed?”

The key is to catch it in the act. Name it. Literally say to yourself, “Ah, there you are, shame.” Often, just calling it out diffuses some of its power. Imagine you’re the star of your own movie, and shame is just that extra who keeps trying to steal the scene. Politely but firmly, give it the boot.

2. Unpack Your Shame Story

We all have a story about shame and where it came from. Maybe it’s rooted in something a parent or teacher said, a past relationship, or just the constant hum of societal messaging. Whatever it is, try writing it down. Getting it out on paper can be surprisingly freeing.

Once you’ve got it out in front of you, ask yourself if that story still serves you. More often than not, these stories are just old narratives that have nothing to do with who we are today. By seeing them clearly, we can start rewriting them with stories of self-acceptance, joy, and yes—pleasure.

3. Celebrate Your Desires (Yes, Really!)

It might feel a bit strange at first, but one of the best ways to release shame is to celebrate your desires. Think of your desires as little sparks of joy within you. They don’t define you, but they’re beautiful parts of who you are. So why not give them a moment in the spotlight?

The next time you feel that spark, take a deep breath and say, “This is me. This is what makes me feel alive.” You might be surprised at how empowering it feels to just let yourself be fully present with your desires—no judgment, no self-censorship.

4. Find a Practice That Helps You Connect with Your Body

Releasing shame and embracing your erotic identity is all about reconnecting with your body. Whether it’s through mindful movement, dance, yoga, or even just taking a long, luxurious bath, find ways to get back into your body and out of your head.

Personally, I’m a fan of dancing around the house like no one’s watching (which they aren’t, thankfully!). There’s something magical about moving in a way that feels good—no pressure, just pleasure. When you’re truly present in your body, it becomes easier to let go of that inner critic and just feel.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influence

Let’s face it: if you’re surrounded by people who judge or shame you, it’s going to be tough to feel liberated. So, find friends, communities, or mentors who support you, uplift you, and celebrate your unique identity. Whether it’s in-person or online, connecting with others who value pleasure and acceptance can be a game-changer.

If you’re struggling to find supportive folks, remember that communities focused on personal growth, intimacy, and healing are out there. Seek them out—you’ll be amazed at how much your journey transforms when you’re surrounded by people who get it.

6. Practice Self-Compassion

Lastly, remember that releasing shame and embracing pleasure is a process, not a one-and-done task. Be gentle with yourself. There may be moments where shame creeps back in, or where you feel a little awkward or vulnerable. That’s okay. The important thing is to show yourself compassion and keep moving forward. Just like any journey, there will be ups, downs, and everything in between—and that’s part of the beauty of it.

Embracing Your Erotic Identity

Our erotic identities are as unique as fingerprints—beautiful, personal, and completely our own. There’s no “right” way to experience pleasure, no rulebook that says we have to fit into a particular mold. Embracing our erotic selves means embracing our whole selves, with all our quirks, passions, and desires.

So, my friend, let’s make a pact: Let’s release the shame, reclaim our pleasure, and live a life that’s filled with moments of joy, connection, and yes—delicious, unapologetic pleasure. Because the world doesn’t need more people who play it safe; it needs more people who embrace who they are, fully and openly. And if that’s you, then you’re already on the most beautiful path.

Now, go ahead—dance, laugh, love, and let yourself feel all the joy.